"The Oogieloves:" My obsession with one of the biggest box office bombs of all time

Faithful readers of mine will know that I always seem to have obsessions with the weirdest, most bizarre music, movies, books, directors, actors, TV shows, websites, etc. Last month, I'd say I hit critical mass with Bobcat Goldthwait interviews and Gary Numan music and now I'm approaching September with an unhealthy fascination with one of the biggest movie failures of the moment, next to John Carter and Mars Needs Mom; The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure.

My introduction to this film, which was just released this past Wednesday to astronomically low figures we will get into later, dates back to the day I saw Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted in the theater with my father (who already hates going to the theater enough as is). The first trailer was for a little cringe-inducing film called The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure, boasting an atmosphere seemingly colored with crayon, corny singalongs that just made your ears crave the sounds of anything but, actors who appeared lost and embarrassed, and three of the craziest-looking creatures since Teletubbies (turns out, the main producer of the film was the one responsible for bringing that show and Thomas and Friends to America).

When the trailer showed off who would be in this picture, I stared in utter disbelief and disgust. Cloris Leachman, Toni Braxton, Cary Elwes, Christopher Lloyd, Jamie Pressley, and Chazz Palminteri (who starred in one of my favorite dramas of all time, A Bronx Tale) all were heading this film that looked like the next big thing in disposable kid fluff. I was appalled. "Un-fucking-real," my dad exclaimed, also a fan of many of Palminteri's works. Soon enough, the movie started, and the looming disgust that hovered over my head for the remainder of the trailers evaporated into nothing, and weeks went by where I didn't hear of this film.

That is until I saw a decent-sized standee at my local theater. And then a few scattered advertisements on Television, as well as one or two billboards on busy highways. I was flabbergasted once more; here is a film, with characters foreign to everybody because this is the first time we're exposed to them, and a marketing budget obviously well over its production budget being forced down our throats. These characters look strangely familiar because they look so much like other goofy characters we've seen in children's TV shows, and the sets look like they were recycled from Teletubbies itself.

It was obvious that the producers and marketing crew knew they had a challenge; they had a relatively short amount of time to make and familiarize these characters with the American public so that on August 29th (or, "Oogust 29" in this case) they could show us "the next big thing." They also decided to throw in the trailers that this was an "interactive film," where children and adults were welcomed, even encouraged, to get up and sing and dance in the aisles of the theater during the singalongs (after I announce these figures, it wouldn't surprise me to hear that most of the theaters showing it were awkwardly silent).

The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure is now being cited as one of the biggest box office bombs in American history, debuting in over 2,000 theaters (the normal wide release count is close to 1,500) and returning approximately $600,000 (figures subject to change after Labor Day). This is monumental, considering the film's hefty production budget of $20,000,000 was likely spent on recruiting the talents and the marketing budget, twice as much as that previous figure, went on to make this an even bigger loser than it already was.

I must say, though, that despite this astronomical loss, there's a plus side to this. The plus-side is that the American people have kindly evaded this film, whether the credit is because of the kids turning the other cheek or the parents' wise decisions I can not say, but seeing this bomb provides me with a tad more optimism than it should. I've said before that these kinds of films, while seemingly harmless, will likely do nothing for a child's learning abilities or their inner-personality. They should be exposed to things other than the film equivalent of fast-food, such as blockbusters and disposable kiddie films like this one, and have their little minds treated with the likes of Pixar, early Disney, and wholesomely uplifting parables.

Could this have all been changed if the American public, I don't know, knew something about The Oogieloves instead that they were characters who apparently came out of the blue with no background whatsoever? No TV show, no books, not even cheap little CDs that lurk in the checkout lines at Toys-R-Us. Nothing. The filmmakers relied heavily on the very risky "word of mouth" campaign, hoping that parents would tell their friends with children about it.

Now let's end things with a little statement: to take your child to see The Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure, in all fairness, is probably not an action that will corrupt them forever. But ask this: is it one that will benefit them in the slightest?