NOTE: My blog recounting the memories of sophomore year, written a year ago on this day, http://stevepulaski.blogspot.com/2012/05/certified-junior-recollection-of-my.html
"Ridin' the storm out, waitin' for the thaw out
On a full moon night in the rocky mountain winter.
My wine bottle's low, watching for the snow
I've been thinking lately of what I'm missing in the city." - "Ridin' the Storm Out" by REO Speedwagon.
"Ride the storm out" is what I've been telling my classmates for roughly three weeks now. What do I mean? Beat the odds, do your work, put your nose to the grindstone and bust your back until the last day of school. Storms don't last forever and, in this case, we only have a matter of weeks. I just thought I'd put a creative 80's-spin on how I told you.
Well, reader, I rode the storm out. I awaited it to thaw out. On many a rainy night in the miserable Chicago heat. I'm done with my junior year in high school and am now a senior. The feeling is equal parts haunting, moving, jarring, and exciting. This is the position that felt like it would take forever to get to when I began high school. Now, I'm kinda sad I'm here. It's just a matter of time before I am writing a blog about graduating and going off to college. This kind of pressure and stress is overwhelming. I may be the only current high-schooler who wants high school to be five years.
But I'm making it sound as if this experience has been all misery and moroseness. Quite the contrary, for the most part. I've met dozens of people whom I never thought I'd relate to. Guys who I used to view as intimating, girls who I viewed as too popular, and kids I thought of as nothing special have all become close to me in ways that are still shocking.
And yet what still stuns me to the core is how much popularity I've gained solely on my reviews. I never would've fathomed someone who writes reviews and blogs based on film and cinema as a whole would get so much attention, acclaim, and recognition. Kids I don't even know tell me what a great job I do, and I still smile every time I'm asked, "seen any good movies?" "Yes and I've seen a lot of shitty ones too" will always be my response.
Socially, junior year has been my strongest year, so far. I made friendships I never thought I would, talked to those I never thought would care about what I had to say, made strong, rock-solid bonds with teachers, read several reviews aloud in several different classes, participated in several debates with friends, and continued to promote my writings and essays to heights unforeseeable. Academically, junior year will sadly go down as one of my weaker years. "Weak" meaning no honor roll accolades and no GPA reaching over 3.2.
The courses I took this year were, the word everyone is now beginning to hate, diverse. marketing, fitness, trigonometry, driver's ed, psychology, Spanish, Biology II, English, consumer ed, sociology, and physics for a brief time. The first quarter of my junior year was solid until I realized the torment and weight my physics course would bear. The teacher, who was new this year, adopted a method called the "Socratic Method," which originated from the philosopher Socrates who insisted on answering a question with another question. In philosophical circles, that method may be effective and potent. When using it to teach kids a rather complex science, it is extremely difficult to communicate - especially for me, who is literate in classes with a verbose background, such as English.
After a month and a half and two failed tests, I needed to opt out. I tried hard and rode the storm out until I drowned. If I learned anything it's that dropping a class in high school is one of the most difficult things you could do. I had to talk to numerous people, such as my long-suffering counselor, the science department chair, my own physics teacher, etc about getting out of the class. I almost got the impression they would rather have me stay in it and fail than to drop it at all. Finally, I got out, thanks to my mother and my counselor, and ventured onto Biology II, a class I never thought would be so much fun and so much easier to grasp. I developed a great bond with my teacher, the seniors in the course seemed to think very highly of me as I tried to show I was capable and sophisticated, and I simply tried to be who I am - honest and diligent.
When physics was settled and Biology II was the replacement, I figured I'd be set for the remainder of the year and anticipated little bumps in the road; then trigonometry began to become a challenge. Such a challenge that I got a D+ third quarter, the first D I ever received on my report card for a quarter grade. It was upsetting. The only thing worse than a bad grade is knowing that that grade reflects on how you did and knowing that you caused it hurts the most. I couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment from my family and I still can't. My grandmother, who I call every day as a means of support and a day's catalyst, was quietly furious at me. She possessed the kind of anger that cuts the most, the kind that evolves into a stern "talking-to" rather than an episode of yelling. I was basically told that when it came to harder, more challenging classes I became lazy and unmotivated and that I'm too immersed in my passion. With all do respect, I think she forgot that I made honor roll eight times in a row prior to my junior year.
How do you articulate effort to someone when your grade shows otherwise? I'll admit, I wasn't up till 1:00am studying trigonometry, but I received occasional tutoring, looked up online-tips, studied notes, etc. Nothing just seemed to click. I suppose one of the hardest lessons to learn is that you can put ample amount of time into something and not be good at it.
In my other classes I achieved satisfactory grades and even acquainted myself with a new field of study that I find incredibly interesting and thought-provoking; Sociology. If you've been following my blog this year, you'll see I've posted several essays that I wrote for my sociology course (I have another one coming in June that I cooked up myself). I can't express how involved I was with the material in this class. The perspectives, the vocabulary, the theorists, and even the projects students did at the end of the week that showed a current issue relating to sociology were all genuinely intriguing and relevant to the world. I even gave a thirty-five minute presentation on the "Hacktivism" movement, which encompassed hacker groups like Anonymous that would use the internet to promote a political philosophy. The presentation was lauded by my classmates and I was stunned at the reactions from both them and the teacher.
Sociology was also the class where I formed a very close relationship with someone whose impact on me will never be lessened or diminished. I'll save that for another blog at one point in time.
The other courses went by with little bumps in the road, but I never once made honor roll this year. My struggles in trigonometry never subsided and to the last day of school I was having difficultly grasping the material. Right around February 2013 is when notions of the future really began to set in. It was a few months before I had to take one of two ACT tests, the standardized test that apparently calculates your readiness for college. Between the impending future and the ACT test I was under a lot of stress. Junior year is a very awkward period because you begin thinking about what exactly it is you want to do with your life, and due to so many required classes that the district/state imposes on its young people, it's hard to find a passion let alone an interest. Especially when the idea of self-study isn't encouraged as heavily as it should be.
So many people believe that I know exactly what I want to do and am going to "make millions" being a film critic. This simply isn't likely. The belief I've long-held about being a film critic has dwindled down to slim numbers compared to what it was, say, six years ago. When I entered high school I was about 90% certain I was going to be a film critic. I'd say around sophomore year I became around 75% sure. Now, I'll say I'm about 35 - 40% sure. I've been looking at a harsher, grimmer reality recently - the one that exists once you wake yourself up. I would love to major in journalism and minor in film studies. I would actually want to go to school at the crack of dawn if I knew I'd be learning and studying those two subjects. It would be a dream come true. Sadly, I can't see that happening either. Not even the journalism major.
The issue lies with the fact that I have the ability to see my tuition money. My uncle has saved over $30k for me to go to college since before I was born. Because I can physically see the deposits the thought of putting that to a degree that I love just to be met with little-to-no job opportunities in the world is what keeps me up at night. To do that would be soul-crushing and unfair to my uncle and selfish of myself.
"Do what you love," people have told me. "Do what makes you happy." What if what makes you happy won't amount to much money or a good position in life? It may be materialistic and greedy to bring up the idea of money but the only certainty in today's world is death. The journalistic job markets are struggling; it's a crowded field with louses making up a lot of it, compounded by a media with a bad name, low pay, long hours, and little benefits or mobility.
Because I'm not good at math, as you can see, and struggle with science, my job opportunities aren't looking very great in an economy driven by things like engineering and finance. A friend of mine is attending college in the fall and is majoring in finance. She is incredibly excited, as she loves numbers, and as I told her that the field of finance has a high base-pay and a lot of opportunity to move up in the corporate world she seemed even more excited. I wish I could say the same about my choice-career. I've contemplated marketing in business, which would leave me marginally satisfied, or a business degree in general, but where does that usually lead? Attending the Student Leadership Academy this year - four free seminars that offered several presentations about the world of business and corporations - if I learned anything it's that nepotism goes a long way and negotiations to do. I see myself getting slaughtered in the field, personally.
I'll reiterate the point I've long made that none of my blogs are meant to be sob-stories or outlets for sympathy. I'm simply giving a recollection of my junior year and my thoughts that went along with it in the only way I know how. I guess you could say junior year was a mixed bag of me. I'd agree with you. If anything, it was a bigger wake-up call than sophomore year was. In the long run, I'll say that it was worth reliving - some aspects at least.
With senior year on the horizon, all I can say is bring on the aftershocks. I can ride it out again.
"Ridin' the storm out, waitin' for the thaw out
On a full moon night in the rocky mountain winter.
My wine bottle's low, watching for the snow
I've been thinking lately of what I'm missing in the city." - "Ridin' the Storm Out" by REO Speedwagon.
"Ride the storm out" is what I've been telling my classmates for roughly three weeks now. What do I mean? Beat the odds, do your work, put your nose to the grindstone and bust your back until the last day of school. Storms don't last forever and, in this case, we only have a matter of weeks. I just thought I'd put a creative 80's-spin on how I told you.
Well, reader, I rode the storm out. I awaited it to thaw out. On many a rainy night in the miserable Chicago heat. I'm done with my junior year in high school and am now a senior. The feeling is equal parts haunting, moving, jarring, and exciting. This is the position that felt like it would take forever to get to when I began high school. Now, I'm kinda sad I'm here. It's just a matter of time before I am writing a blog about graduating and going off to college. This kind of pressure and stress is overwhelming. I may be the only current high-schooler who wants high school to be five years.
But I'm making it sound as if this experience has been all misery and moroseness. Quite the contrary, for the most part. I've met dozens of people whom I never thought I'd relate to. Guys who I used to view as intimating, girls who I viewed as too popular, and kids I thought of as nothing special have all become close to me in ways that are still shocking.
And yet what still stuns me to the core is how much popularity I've gained solely on my reviews. I never would've fathomed someone who writes reviews and blogs based on film and cinema as a whole would get so much attention, acclaim, and recognition. Kids I don't even know tell me what a great job I do, and I still smile every time I'm asked, "seen any good movies?" "Yes and I've seen a lot of shitty ones too" will always be my response.
Socially, junior year has been my strongest year, so far. I made friendships I never thought I would, talked to those I never thought would care about what I had to say, made strong, rock-solid bonds with teachers, read several reviews aloud in several different classes, participated in several debates with friends, and continued to promote my writings and essays to heights unforeseeable. Academically, junior year will sadly go down as one of my weaker years. "Weak" meaning no honor roll accolades and no GPA reaching over 3.2.
The courses I took this year were, the word everyone is now beginning to hate, diverse. marketing, fitness, trigonometry, driver's ed, psychology, Spanish, Biology II, English, consumer ed, sociology, and physics for a brief time. The first quarter of my junior year was solid until I realized the torment and weight my physics course would bear. The teacher, who was new this year, adopted a method called the "Socratic Method," which originated from the philosopher Socrates who insisted on answering a question with another question. In philosophical circles, that method may be effective and potent. When using it to teach kids a rather complex science, it is extremely difficult to communicate - especially for me, who is literate in classes with a verbose background, such as English.
After a month and a half and two failed tests, I needed to opt out. I tried hard and rode the storm out until I drowned. If I learned anything it's that dropping a class in high school is one of the most difficult things you could do. I had to talk to numerous people, such as my long-suffering counselor, the science department chair, my own physics teacher, etc about getting out of the class. I almost got the impression they would rather have me stay in it and fail than to drop it at all. Finally, I got out, thanks to my mother and my counselor, and ventured onto Biology II, a class I never thought would be so much fun and so much easier to grasp. I developed a great bond with my teacher, the seniors in the course seemed to think very highly of me as I tried to show I was capable and sophisticated, and I simply tried to be who I am - honest and diligent.
When physics was settled and Biology II was the replacement, I figured I'd be set for the remainder of the year and anticipated little bumps in the road; then trigonometry began to become a challenge. Such a challenge that I got a D+ third quarter, the first D I ever received on my report card for a quarter grade. It was upsetting. The only thing worse than a bad grade is knowing that that grade reflects on how you did and knowing that you caused it hurts the most. I couldn't shake the feeling of disappointment from my family and I still can't. My grandmother, who I call every day as a means of support and a day's catalyst, was quietly furious at me. She possessed the kind of anger that cuts the most, the kind that evolves into a stern "talking-to" rather than an episode of yelling. I was basically told that when it came to harder, more challenging classes I became lazy and unmotivated and that I'm too immersed in my passion. With all do respect, I think she forgot that I made honor roll eight times in a row prior to my junior year.
How do you articulate effort to someone when your grade shows otherwise? I'll admit, I wasn't up till 1:00am studying trigonometry, but I received occasional tutoring, looked up online-tips, studied notes, etc. Nothing just seemed to click. I suppose one of the hardest lessons to learn is that you can put ample amount of time into something and not be good at it.
In my other classes I achieved satisfactory grades and even acquainted myself with a new field of study that I find incredibly interesting and thought-provoking; Sociology. If you've been following my blog this year, you'll see I've posted several essays that I wrote for my sociology course (I have another one coming in June that I cooked up myself). I can't express how involved I was with the material in this class. The perspectives, the vocabulary, the theorists, and even the projects students did at the end of the week that showed a current issue relating to sociology were all genuinely intriguing and relevant to the world. I even gave a thirty-five minute presentation on the "Hacktivism" movement, which encompassed hacker groups like Anonymous that would use the internet to promote a political philosophy. The presentation was lauded by my classmates and I was stunned at the reactions from both them and the teacher.
Sociology was also the class where I formed a very close relationship with someone whose impact on me will never be lessened or diminished. I'll save that for another blog at one point in time.
The other courses went by with little bumps in the road, but I never once made honor roll this year. My struggles in trigonometry never subsided and to the last day of school I was having difficultly grasping the material. Right around February 2013 is when notions of the future really began to set in. It was a few months before I had to take one of two ACT tests, the standardized test that apparently calculates your readiness for college. Between the impending future and the ACT test I was under a lot of stress. Junior year is a very awkward period because you begin thinking about what exactly it is you want to do with your life, and due to so many required classes that the district/state imposes on its young people, it's hard to find a passion let alone an interest. Especially when the idea of self-study isn't encouraged as heavily as it should be.
So many people believe that I know exactly what I want to do and am going to "make millions" being a film critic. This simply isn't likely. The belief I've long-held about being a film critic has dwindled down to slim numbers compared to what it was, say, six years ago. When I entered high school I was about 90% certain I was going to be a film critic. I'd say around sophomore year I became around 75% sure. Now, I'll say I'm about 35 - 40% sure. I've been looking at a harsher, grimmer reality recently - the one that exists once you wake yourself up. I would love to major in journalism and minor in film studies. I would actually want to go to school at the crack of dawn if I knew I'd be learning and studying those two subjects. It would be a dream come true. Sadly, I can't see that happening either. Not even the journalism major.
The issue lies with the fact that I have the ability to see my tuition money. My uncle has saved over $30k for me to go to college since before I was born. Because I can physically see the deposits the thought of putting that to a degree that I love just to be met with little-to-no job opportunities in the world is what keeps me up at night. To do that would be soul-crushing and unfair to my uncle and selfish of myself.
"Do what you love," people have told me. "Do what makes you happy." What if what makes you happy won't amount to much money or a good position in life? It may be materialistic and greedy to bring up the idea of money but the only certainty in today's world is death. The journalistic job markets are struggling; it's a crowded field with louses making up a lot of it, compounded by a media with a bad name, low pay, long hours, and little benefits or mobility.
Because I'm not good at math, as you can see, and struggle with science, my job opportunities aren't looking very great in an economy driven by things like engineering and finance. A friend of mine is attending college in the fall and is majoring in finance. She is incredibly excited, as she loves numbers, and as I told her that the field of finance has a high base-pay and a lot of opportunity to move up in the corporate world she seemed even more excited. I wish I could say the same about my choice-career. I've contemplated marketing in business, which would leave me marginally satisfied, or a business degree in general, but where does that usually lead? Attending the Student Leadership Academy this year - four free seminars that offered several presentations about the world of business and corporations - if I learned anything it's that nepotism goes a long way and negotiations to do. I see myself getting slaughtered in the field, personally.
I'll reiterate the point I've long made that none of my blogs are meant to be sob-stories or outlets for sympathy. I'm simply giving a recollection of my junior year and my thoughts that went along with it in the only way I know how. I guess you could say junior year was a mixed bag of me. I'd agree with you. If anything, it was a bigger wake-up call than sophomore year was. In the long run, I'll say that it was worth reliving - some aspects at least.
With senior year on the horizon, all I can say is bring on the aftershocks. I can ride it out again.
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