"Swing Straight for the Fence:" My assumptions, judgments, and preconceived notions on my forthcoming first year of college
"Swing straight for the fence and drop my nuts down on the plate." - Freddie Gibbs, "D.O.A."
Quoted above is my quirky, mildly crude, unabashedly ridiculous motto for my first year, and perhaps all four years, of college, with the first trimester set to begin on September 15, 2014 and conclude sometime around Thanksgiving. During that trimester, I will be taking First-Year Experience (a mandatory freshman course), College Algebra, First-Year Seminar: Cities and Cinema (Advanced English course with a specific topic, and I just got lucky with this one), and Speech Communication at North Central College in Naperville, Illinois. I will be commuting back and forth for, at least the first trimester, every day, with no more than two classes a day, and a sole class on Thursday. There's my first trimester in a nutshell.
Returning to my motto, ever since I started to affiliate myself with Indiana-born rapper Freddie Gibbs earlier this summer, I knew he brought something to the table. His cut-throat, impenetrable vocals and gritty, vulgar lyrics make for a rousing, often brutal good time. His song "D.O.A." is my personal favorite of his, illustrating his attitude and his overall approach to life, with a perfect line, quoted above, that symbolizes my approach to college beautifully: "swing straight for the fence and drop my nuts down on the plate." As crude of a statement as that is, it beautifully articulates my approach in two key areas of my life.
Upon setting foot on North Central College's, I vow to do two things; "swing straight for the fence," meaning whatever I do I'm gonna try and go for broke, do what I can with what I got, study, and just simply try to succeed, and "drop my nuts down on the plate," make my presence known, unleash my personality in a bold way, and promote myself in every way I possibly can without being pompous or offputting.
For the past few weeks, I have read posts on Facebook and Instagram about friends of mine saying rough goodbyes to their friends, posts summarizing people's excitement about college, their desire to go far away from home, and people just thrilled to start their new life. Then there's me, with any form of excitement and joy masked by pure, unadulterated nervousness and with a head full of burdensome thoughts about failing, under-impressing, not graduating, and losing all my ambitions and opportunities for success in a listless bout of settling for what pays the bills rather than makes me happy.
In a country burdened by financial difficulties, a shaky economy, unsteady politics, skyrocketing prices on everything, low pay, long hours, and more, I don't see this concern being invalid or basic paranoia. At this point in time, I have so many people counting on me to do this and that, follow paths I don't even want to take, and succeed far and beyond their expectations, something I'm not sure I've ever been really good at doing academically. I could go on and on listening my nervousness about college, like the basics from finding a parking space and surviving the daily ten-mile commute, to the larger concerns like passing difficult classes, graduating in time, surviving my first bout of midterms, and dealing with the immense workload while trying to keep my passion for film criticism alive. It is a crippling load of stress I'm about to endure, which is why I am shocked by many people's massive excitement towards college.
College, right now, seems like four years of incomparable stress, anxiety, pressure, confusion, and frustration. Coming from someone who is naturally anxious, less settled and more comfortably fidgeting, and nervous about everything, the looming idea and beginning of college has brought on a great deal of pressure for me. I'm nervous about not being able to impress the key people in my life, particularly my mother, grandmother, and uncle, who is funding most of my college experience, with them either not realizing I'm doing the best I can do or accusing me of not doing all I can do when I'm exerting all my energy onto something. I'm worried about paying for the experience, and even possibly repaying my uncle for all the money he funneled into his nephew, who he simply wants to see go through college and exit without owing any corporation a dime. That way, he can start off on a life and make money that is his and not Sally Mae's.
I'm worried about keeping up with the pace and rigor of eleven-week-long trimesters, rather than fifteen-week-long semesters. With trimesters, information is reviewed and introduced at a quicker, brisker pace, which, on one hand compliments the faster nature of the world we live in today, and, on another, makes for a tireless and stressful experience in trying to keep up with everything. I'm worried about commuting, finding a parking space in North Central College's small selection of commuter parking lots and trying to park in strictly-timed lots catered more towards the shoppers of downtown Naperville than students at North Central College. I'm worried about finding a job during and after college, worried that the family members and friends that already find my major in English ludicrous and stupid will only have more material to belittle me once I emerge from college with an expensive piece of paper and no employment. I'm worried about facing that piercing feeling of disappointment from the three aforementioned forces, who I sometimes feel have ambitions far too high for somebody like me, who sometimes wishes he was more skilled in necessary fields like math and science.
But the biggest reason I'm so apprehensive towards college and so fearful of its contents, above all the academics and the cost, is my fear that my peak and "glory days" are behind me. I fear that high school was all the popularity and social success I'll ever receive in my life, destined to work an average, busybody job like the liquor store for middling-to-moderate wages, never achieving any kind of additional success as a writer or a critic. I fear that my peak was at homecoming king of my high school, and being almost universally known by a student body I didn't know even half of, and everything after that will be existing vs. living. I go to bed each night with that fear and try to fall asleep with the thought in my mind I'll be proven wrong.
If I can turn into the "piano man" for a second, one of the most calming and reassuring forces about college is, not the barrage of people posting pictures and statuses condemning high school and boasting college after being in their dorm for three whole days, but an older man named Mike. Mike is a frequent customer at my liquor store, who often comes in and makes his presence known with his deep voice and short stature. He is one of the nicest, most genuine people I know at the liquor store, quick with a compliment or a bout of reassurance. "So when you going to school?," he asks me. "Not until September 15th," I reply. "Excited?," he says. "Nervous as all hell," I say.
He looks me dead in the eye. "Look, man," he says, "I was in the same boat as you - going to college, getting my degree, working, and so on. It's an amazing time. You're nervous for fifteen minutes on the first day and it all goes away. Kid like you is gonna have so many friends and so many opportunities you won't believe it." Every time he comes in the liquor store, he offers wisdom or optimism like that, and I appreciate it not only because he's charismatic and charming, but the fact that he doesn't know me incredibly well but enough to make positive judgments on character like that. You can bet he'll be getting frequent updates while I'm at college.
Upon setting foot on North Central College's, I vow to do two things; "swing straight for the fence," meaning whatever I do I'm gonna try and go for broke, do what I can with what I got, study, and just simply try to succeed, and "drop my nuts down on the plate," make my presence known, unleash my personality in a bold way, and promote myself in every way I possibly can without being pompous or offputting.
For the past few weeks, I have read posts on Facebook and Instagram about friends of mine saying rough goodbyes to their friends, posts summarizing people's excitement about college, their desire to go far away from home, and people just thrilled to start their new life. Then there's me, with any form of excitement and joy masked by pure, unadulterated nervousness and with a head full of burdensome thoughts about failing, under-impressing, not graduating, and losing all my ambitions and opportunities for success in a listless bout of settling for what pays the bills rather than makes me happy.
In a country burdened by financial difficulties, a shaky economy, unsteady politics, skyrocketing prices on everything, low pay, long hours, and more, I don't see this concern being invalid or basic paranoia. At this point in time, I have so many people counting on me to do this and that, follow paths I don't even want to take, and succeed far and beyond their expectations, something I'm not sure I've ever been really good at doing academically. I could go on and on listening my nervousness about college, like the basics from finding a parking space and surviving the daily ten-mile commute, to the larger concerns like passing difficult classes, graduating in time, surviving my first bout of midterms, and dealing with the immense workload while trying to keep my passion for film criticism alive. It is a crippling load of stress I'm about to endure, which is why I am shocked by many people's massive excitement towards college.
College, right now, seems like four years of incomparable stress, anxiety, pressure, confusion, and frustration. Coming from someone who is naturally anxious, less settled and more comfortably fidgeting, and nervous about everything, the looming idea and beginning of college has brought on a great deal of pressure for me. I'm nervous about not being able to impress the key people in my life, particularly my mother, grandmother, and uncle, who is funding most of my college experience, with them either not realizing I'm doing the best I can do or accusing me of not doing all I can do when I'm exerting all my energy onto something. I'm worried about paying for the experience, and even possibly repaying my uncle for all the money he funneled into his nephew, who he simply wants to see go through college and exit without owing any corporation a dime. That way, he can start off on a life and make money that is his and not Sally Mae's.
I'm worried about keeping up with the pace and rigor of eleven-week-long trimesters, rather than fifteen-week-long semesters. With trimesters, information is reviewed and introduced at a quicker, brisker pace, which, on one hand compliments the faster nature of the world we live in today, and, on another, makes for a tireless and stressful experience in trying to keep up with everything. I'm worried about commuting, finding a parking space in North Central College's small selection of commuter parking lots and trying to park in strictly-timed lots catered more towards the shoppers of downtown Naperville than students at North Central College. I'm worried about finding a job during and after college, worried that the family members and friends that already find my major in English ludicrous and stupid will only have more material to belittle me once I emerge from college with an expensive piece of paper and no employment. I'm worried about facing that piercing feeling of disappointment from the three aforementioned forces, who I sometimes feel have ambitions far too high for somebody like me, who sometimes wishes he was more skilled in necessary fields like math and science.
But the biggest reason I'm so apprehensive towards college and so fearful of its contents, above all the academics and the cost, is my fear that my peak and "glory days" are behind me. I fear that high school was all the popularity and social success I'll ever receive in my life, destined to work an average, busybody job like the liquor store for middling-to-moderate wages, never achieving any kind of additional success as a writer or a critic. I fear that my peak was at homecoming king of my high school, and being almost universally known by a student body I didn't know even half of, and everything after that will be existing vs. living. I go to bed each night with that fear and try to fall asleep with the thought in my mind I'll be proven wrong.
If I can turn into the "piano man" for a second, one of the most calming and reassuring forces about college is, not the barrage of people posting pictures and statuses condemning high school and boasting college after being in their dorm for three whole days, but an older man named Mike. Mike is a frequent customer at my liquor store, who often comes in and makes his presence known with his deep voice and short stature. He is one of the nicest, most genuine people I know at the liquor store, quick with a compliment or a bout of reassurance. "So when you going to school?," he asks me. "Not until September 15th," I reply. "Excited?," he says. "Nervous as all hell," I say.
He looks me dead in the eye. "Look, man," he says, "I was in the same boat as you - going to college, getting my degree, working, and so on. It's an amazing time. You're nervous for fifteen minutes on the first day and it all goes away. Kid like you is gonna have so many friends and so many opportunities you won't believe it." Every time he comes in the liquor store, he offers wisdom or optimism like that, and I appreciate it not only because he's charismatic and charming, but the fact that he doesn't know me incredibly well but enough to make positive judgments on character like that. You can bet he'll be getting frequent updates while I'm at college.
Another thought I've tried to secure in my head is the idea of how I'll be making people proud as well. This is an idea brought on by my equally charismatic and intelligent Spanish teacher Josh Bodenheimer (known to me as Señor Bodenheimer), who had the privilege (or misfortune) of having me as a student for back-to-back years. Señor Bodenheimer was always one to work in life advice and school advice for us whenever he got the opportunity, incorporating brutally honest life realizations that would work to make us better, more thoughtful people, he felt. He would always talk extensively about how the most important thing whenever we took a test, a quiz, wrote an essay, or set goals for ourselves in whatever we were doing was, "to make your parents proud, make me proud, but most importantly, make yourselves proud." The ideology was simple, not groundbreaking or life-changing, but earnest and admirable, which is all advice really needs to be.
And with that, as stressed as I find myself right now, the fact remains that I will try to make the people around me proud, but at the end of the day, strive to make myself proud of what I am doing too. I've already been asked how I'll be able to continue writing reviews, lengthy blog posts, do a podcast, work, and go to school full-time constantly. The fact is I'm still questioning that, but if I find a way to balance all that and churn out quality work in the meantime, I'll damn sure fulfilling the latter goal Señor Bodenheimer spoke so highly about.
This is a blog I'll revisit come November, around the week of Thanksgiving. I'll post an entirely new blog, discussing my thoughts on college after the first trimester, my classes, my achievements, or lack thereof, and my overall view, using quotes from this personal thinkpiece to either confirm my judgments or look on with awe at my naivety and nervousness.
I'll leave Freddie Gibbs' "D.O.A." here for the curious, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=auAC15-Z-G8
You don't know me, but I went to DGN and graduated a year before you. I also attend NCC. I have a few pieces of advice/knowledge that I hope will ease your nerves in the coming week and a half before classes being: 1) NCC is an incredibly friendly and accepting campus/student body. There is no doubt in my mind you will befriend some awesome people. 2) Seeing as you write reviews and will be an English major, I highly recommend you take a class with Richard Guzman. He may be a bit tougher than some of the other English professors, but he is amazing and his class (whatever it may be) would definitely be well worth your time and money. He is super quirky and one side of his mustache is thinner than the other. He's great. 3) I actually prefer trimesters more than I did semesters. Yes, they are a normal semesters worth of content squished into 10 weeks, but you get to learn more by taking more classes in a year, and most of the professors understand that they can't expect the world out of you in 10 weeks. Although it is less time to complete a class, you get more free time (at least I did last year) during the day and in between classes to actually get work done, so it isn't really that bad. Lastly, 4) Get involved as much as you can (especially during welcome week). I live on campus, but had several commuter friends last year, and although it requires more time on campus, it is well worth the involvement, not only for your resume at the end of your college career, but also for meeting tons of new people. There are many activities during welcome week (for all first year students, not just those living on campus!) that are there so you can be immersed into the campus life, and I definitely suggest you go to as many as you possibly can, even though you are a commuter. I hope this helps in even the slightest way, and hope you have a wonderful first term at North Central :)
ReplyDeleteDearly appreciate the beautifully written response and I thank you kindly for reading my work. Don't be afraid to identify yourself if you see me on campus. I'm always looking for new people to share my opinions with, and to converse with as well. I wish you a wonderful sophomore year.
DeleteStay safe,
Steve Pulaski